Things are better than expected

In my amazing summer I was expecting for my semester to be horrid as soon as it started.

But it's been pretty exceptional.

And it is what everyone has told me, I believe a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have my own place.
I don't think I could love my apartment any more than I already do.
I love the location, I love the way it's set up. I love the fact that I am cleaning it every so often and that I have an amazing roommate. I love the bed that I got an amazing price and its epic comfort. I love the sheets and comforter that match so well. I love the posters in frames. I love the matching furniture in my room. I love my window to spy on the neighborhood intersection. I love ability to say come on over. I love the fact that I am actually a decent cook. I love that I'm eating healthier. I love the friends that helped me move up here, and like an army managed to get my shit unpacked and set up in a day. Probably a lot more that I enjoy about this place.

I don't enjoy paying for it...or not being able to find a job. I don't want to work in food, but it seems to be my only option. What a horrid option. There is mention of a potential public relations position, which seems atrocious, but I don't have much else going on at the moment, I might as well lie and apply to the damn thing.


...


There is this one guy that I hooked up with when I was visiting my friends in another city this January. It seems so long ago...

He transferred to my school because it had a better program.
He has an on again, off again girlfriend.
Long distance.
We've been hanging out a lot.
A lot.

I don't mind, whatever. Things are pretty cool and running smoothly.

Today was different.
My friends say I enabled him to do it, but I thought it was just pretty innocent.

I mean, he's been getting progressively touchy. Which is fine. Whatever.

He helped me move. He built me my furniture. He takes me with him to places so I can get groceries. He comes over, I cook for him. I go over, he cooks for me. We watch movies. We argue, but in a civilized fashion. I sprained my ankle and he took me to the hospital to get it looked at and waited with me the entire time. He took me on a motorcycle ride. It was the most amazing thing EVER. He took me to the country and there were cows and horses with the sun going down and the green fields. I kind up crept up on him and held him tighter. I mean, can you blame me? It was pretty damn romantic if you ask me.

Like I said. Something just happened today.
We have a class together, so I went to his place after.
Watched some shows.
I sprawled out on the couch. I just put my legs on him. He kind of just placed his hands on my legs. I got up to drink something and he had his arm around me. I kind of sank into his lap, but moved around because of his dog.
I laid back down. Eventually, he laid next to me and put his head on my stomach. He was caressing my legs.

At some point I realized...

he still has a girlfriend.
She is a vindictive bitch.
She will kill me.
She could destroy him.

He wants to hang out with me now.
I kind of want to rest. I'm exhausted...and I don't want to be that girl.
The one that is a stupid mistress and he ends up going back to his girlfriend.

What utter bullshit, might I say.
I don't understand the circumstances of their long distance agreement, but obviously when he's staring at me with his blue eyes for prolonged moments, there is something going on emotionally.

I'm just tired of being toyed. I don't need this bullshit.
I just wonder if that other guy, who I mentioned earlier will ever talk back.

I think he's intimidated by me or something...we've exchanged social networking sites and numbers and have been talking a lot, but he doesn't seem to keep up with potentially meeting up with me.

I have no interest in running after a guy if he's not going to follow up on potential appointments.
Either way, it is a nice change of pace, but I doubt that it will last long.

For your enjoyment.

A lot has happened.

I went to Chicago.

Oh my god. Has my world changed.

I've gotten a taste of what life really is like in the city.
And I want it so bad that my insides hurt so much.
My brain can't stop comparing it to everything around it.
I want it to be possible so much.

The activity. The business. The success. The possibility.
Just minimally sums up the ecstasy that I endured on my trip.

I loved every ounce of it. I loved wandering the city.
I loved the buildings.
I loved the Lolapalooza.
I loved the Restaurants.
I loved the trains
I loved the parks

It was too much to handle and I didn't care that in my apatite crumbs of this amazing city would fall to my feet.

This has honestly been the best summer I've ever had.
I made amazing friends, I'll miss them dearly and I hope they feel the same.

It's sad that things won't ever be like this summer. But what can I do, simply enjoy this for what it is.

And I don't think I can thank God enough for it.
Despite the family disputes, I was able to escape with the aid of my friends.
I traveled to new and old places.
I honestly couldn't be happier about it.

I finally figured out what I wanted boy wise.
Maybe.

I thought about it. After spending my days in Chicago with my guy friend. I just mentally sulked. Now with my best friend is off with another man and pretty much every girl I know is with some other guy that they care about, I'm in need of either new friends or a guy to date and maybe more.

Don't get me wrong. I love my friends. I adore my friends and I might be willing enough to say that I would do anything for my friends. But I'm just in need of a good cuddle. I'm tempted to just find a guy just to cuddle.

It's gotten pathetic. My friend who I traveled with to Chicago told me about some dating site. I indulged.
I found two guys of interest.
One deleted his profile or blocked me. The other gave me his facebook.
I want him. Kind of.
I don't know.
He's working and doesn't really have internet at the moment.
But I can't help but think about all these things.
I should just drop it and realize the boy probably is a virgin and doesn't want anything.
It's a horrible way to live life. But at this point pessimism is the only way I live when it comes to things of this nature.

For your entertainment.