So things, as usual have gone down the shitter.
I hate home so much. Things were going okay, and of course I had to instigate a fight.
I haven't really had some down time. To myself and all that. And whenever I try for it my mom always has me escorting my older brother off to the doctor.
Leave me alone.
I don't know. I guess I've been a bitch.
Whatever.
I just want to be left alone for a few days.
For your entertainment.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Summer time. Ironically filled with so much lemonade.
The lemonade references was made because my brother has been having a lot of crap in his system. To flush it out, he needs lemon juice.
And lots of it.
Which is nice. I do tire of orange juice, especially when it was the only thing my parents...or for that matter have bought, in years to drink with our meals.
That too has changed, we've been eating healthier, mainly to maintain my brother's system. God, he's a fat wreck that no one knows why he's shaking. It sucks.
He's been pissing me off lately in that he doesn't do much around the house. The first week I came home I cleaned up the house and literally scrubbed my floors. I find some sick pleasure in cleaning.
He's just there, leech from my family and verbally attacking my mom and misplacing his anxiety and anger in her direction because he doesn't know, nor does he want to know his condition.
He is really acting like a reliant 13 year old, and i want to punch him in the liver, that's how bad it annoys me.
My younger brother has been a good apathetic sport about the situation. Since my older brother shakes, he pretty much refuses to drive anywhere, which gives me the brunt of the work, which is always awesome....ugh. But my younger brother, who for whatever reason was tossed aside when it came to teaching to drive, was, well, never taught to do so.
Him, being the mellow, go with the flow and if it were important someone would have nagged me about it, doesn't care to do it on his own.
So I drag him around everywhere. I buy him food. I just don't like doing things by myself. It's not that it aggravates me, but if I could have someone to do the dumb things with and make my day go a little faster, I will definitely take on that opportunity.
My mom has been stressed out. Over my older brother. She's pretty much babying the fuck out of him (something my older brother accuses my mom of doing to my younger brother, but obviously he lacks an ability to be self aware in his accusations). She has also been studying for a new job. She's been acing her exams. I think she's a better student than I am when it comes to studying. But it's only one subject, so I suppose her attention isn't divided up in multiple tasks and those sort of things. I'm pretty proud of her.
My dad is ...there.
I am, well, better.
I have an internship that preoccupies my time. I have friends here. My family occupies a good amount of my time and my issues that made me spiral in a horrible depression have eased out.
I knew it was a matter of waiting things out, but JEEZ, I was on the brink of destruction...as is the case around that time of year.
Home life has been pretty awesome. Mainly because my mom has been too distracted to be pissed off with anyone and I've been pretty complacent and not as bitchy. I haven't been talking her down...which is strange. My younger brother notices it, he told me today.
I just seriously feel like I'm smarter than her when it comes to how people functions. Granted, she has me on what to do in social affairs, but everything else I feel I have a better grasp on.
But I could just be on my high horse and just dismissing her...regardless things have been more peaceful.
She seriously needs a dog though.
She wants to do things and she expects me to do them with her.
She wants to go swimming, she wants me to wait for her to come home to do it. She ends up holding meback from doing more laps because of conversation.
She wants to go walking, something I don't feel like doing as much any more seeing as I would prefer to run and have yet to charge my music device out of sheer laziness.
But I'm glad things are going well between us. I ignore her for the most part in matters of the pool that I use not being as big...things like that are insignificant....
Mainly because I doubt she used to swim over 1000 yards every other day.
I've been compensating for my lack of physical exercise with doing weights and running on the treadmill.
I haven't gained any weight, but I'm sure that the steady 135 isn't going anywhere.... if I lose fat I gain muscle and vise versa....
Not talking to my mom about my weight makes life easier. I've learned to avoid talking to her about that matter.
No matter how fit my lower body is, as long as I'm not a size five....which I'm currently a six, I still need to lose weight.
I'm semi happy with where I am at the moment. I just want to work on my arms and abs.
Hopefully things will turn out better for my body.
As for the issues of boys.
I hung out with the boy before I left. He seemed interested.
But now that I'm home and he still going to school, there's really no communication.
I still think about him.
It's fun to have someone to fantasize about.
Even if he's probably seeing someone else.
But I think I'm just going to devote my time in my friends, family, books, learning Italian and preparing for the LSAT, which god help me please because it is going to be a doozy to say the least.
I'm alright. Not ecstatic, but I'm in a good place.
That's all I could really ask for at the moment.
For your enjoyment.
And lots of it.
Which is nice. I do tire of orange juice, especially when it was the only thing my parents...or for that matter have bought, in years to drink with our meals.
That too has changed, we've been eating healthier, mainly to maintain my brother's system. God, he's a fat wreck that no one knows why he's shaking. It sucks.
He's been pissing me off lately in that he doesn't do much around the house. The first week I came home I cleaned up the house and literally scrubbed my floors. I find some sick pleasure in cleaning.
He's just there, leech from my family and verbally attacking my mom and misplacing his anxiety and anger in her direction because he doesn't know, nor does he want to know his condition.
He is really acting like a reliant 13 year old, and i want to punch him in the liver, that's how bad it annoys me.
My younger brother has been a good apathetic sport about the situation. Since my older brother shakes, he pretty much refuses to drive anywhere, which gives me the brunt of the work, which is always awesome....ugh. But my younger brother, who for whatever reason was tossed aside when it came to teaching to drive, was, well, never taught to do so.
Him, being the mellow, go with the flow and if it were important someone would have nagged me about it, doesn't care to do it on his own.
So I drag him around everywhere. I buy him food. I just don't like doing things by myself. It's not that it aggravates me, but if I could have someone to do the dumb things with and make my day go a little faster, I will definitely take on that opportunity.
My mom has been stressed out. Over my older brother. She's pretty much babying the fuck out of him (something my older brother accuses my mom of doing to my younger brother, but obviously he lacks an ability to be self aware in his accusations). She has also been studying for a new job. She's been acing her exams. I think she's a better student than I am when it comes to studying. But it's only one subject, so I suppose her attention isn't divided up in multiple tasks and those sort of things. I'm pretty proud of her.
My dad is ...there.
I am, well, better.
I have an internship that preoccupies my time. I have friends here. My family occupies a good amount of my time and my issues that made me spiral in a horrible depression have eased out.
I knew it was a matter of waiting things out, but JEEZ, I was on the brink of destruction...as is the case around that time of year.
Home life has been pretty awesome. Mainly because my mom has been too distracted to be pissed off with anyone and I've been pretty complacent and not as bitchy. I haven't been talking her down...which is strange. My younger brother notices it, he told me today.
I just seriously feel like I'm smarter than her when it comes to how people functions. Granted, she has me on what to do in social affairs, but everything else I feel I have a better grasp on.
But I could just be on my high horse and just dismissing her...regardless things have been more peaceful.
She seriously needs a dog though.
She wants to do things and she expects me to do them with her.
She wants to go swimming, she wants me to wait for her to come home to do it. She ends up holding meback from doing more laps because of conversation.
She wants to go walking, something I don't feel like doing as much any more seeing as I would prefer to run and have yet to charge my music device out of sheer laziness.
But I'm glad things are going well between us. I ignore her for the most part in matters of the pool that I use not being as big...things like that are insignificant....
Mainly because I doubt she used to swim over 1000 yards every other day.
I've been compensating for my lack of physical exercise with doing weights and running on the treadmill.
I haven't gained any weight, but I'm sure that the steady 135 isn't going anywhere.... if I lose fat I gain muscle and vise versa....
Not talking to my mom about my weight makes life easier. I've learned to avoid talking to her about that matter.
No matter how fit my lower body is, as long as I'm not a size five....which I'm currently a six, I still need to lose weight.
I'm semi happy with where I am at the moment. I just want to work on my arms and abs.
Hopefully things will turn out better for my body.
As for the issues of boys.
I hung out with the boy before I left. He seemed interested.
But now that I'm home and he still going to school, there's really no communication.
I still think about him.
It's fun to have someone to fantasize about.
Even if he's probably seeing someone else.
But I think I'm just going to devote my time in my friends, family, books, learning Italian and preparing for the LSAT, which god help me please because it is going to be a doozy to say the least.
I'm alright. Not ecstatic, but I'm in a good place.
That's all I could really ask for at the moment.
For your enjoyment.
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