I don't have my school books yet, this makes me sort of nervous and anxious. I've never been one to hold out until the last minute, but I guess I really don't have much of an option at this point.
I bought them from Amazon.com, but I'll have to wait a good week before I manage to get anything.
Man do I miss swimming.
I had to get re-casted. Boy was it fun to get a cast that almost dislocated a finger and pinched my arm fat...which by the way the doctors had fun messing around with. I laughed and was like, please stop.
today was socially productive in the fact that i was flirting with guys and talking to new possible friends. love it.
i dont have much to say other than i'm loving having all of these plans. its pretty hardcore.
Meeting all these people is also cool.
I just have to remind myself to keep focused in school.
I have so much going on this weekend. I hope I can do it all.
We'll just have to see.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
first week back
so pretty much i broke my wrist.
I'm pretty sure it was Tuesday I decided to go over to the Krishna house and see the people. I grabbed some grub and hung out with the old krishna peoples...too bad I don't have a job. That blows, but I guess it's god's way of saying that I need to move up and move on with bigger and better things.... or at least I hope so. I fucking need a job. This sucks.
And I've been offered two jobs. But I'm unsure of how legitamite the jobs I have been offered are. I find out about one of them this wednesday. which is the same day of the job fair amongst other things.
Later that day I rode down and met up with Sal and her friend.
And then after that, things kind of just went downhill for that day.
I was riding my bike down a hill, and was gaining a good amount of speed. My brand new bikes brakes work really well and as i braked, the front brake over powered me and bucked me right off my bike where I flew over my handle bars. I landed on my left side and my wrist was the brunt of the impact.
Whatever. Then after doing random things and looking for some wrapping, I ended up with the cops, a firetruck and the paramedics at my presense.
whatever.
the week i've been hanging out with my small group of friends and just drinking. I would get into the details, But i really don't care enough.
I'm just tired. I want school to start already.
I'm pretty sure it was Tuesday I decided to go over to the Krishna house and see the people. I grabbed some grub and hung out with the old krishna peoples...too bad I don't have a job. That blows, but I guess it's god's way of saying that I need to move up and move on with bigger and better things.... or at least I hope so. I fucking need a job. This sucks.
And I've been offered two jobs. But I'm unsure of how legitamite the jobs I have been offered are. I find out about one of them this wednesday. which is the same day of the job fair amongst other things.
Later that day I rode down and met up with Sal and her friend.
And then after that, things kind of just went downhill for that day.
I was riding my bike down a hill, and was gaining a good amount of speed. My brand new bikes brakes work really well and as i braked, the front brake over powered me and bucked me right off my bike where I flew over my handle bars. I landed on my left side and my wrist was the brunt of the impact.
Whatever. Then after doing random things and looking for some wrapping, I ended up with the cops, a firetruck and the paramedics at my presense.
whatever.
the week i've been hanging out with my small group of friends and just drinking. I would get into the details, But i really don't care enough.
I'm just tired. I want school to start already.
Monday, August 17, 2009
College Adventures
Just a hell of a way to start.
I was woken up by my mother at 3:30 in the am. Which was expected, but for whatever reason there is a lack of empathy, or even understanding. I tried going to bed early. I honestly did. But I was awaken by calls from Ari about some uneducated person's actions at a dinner...
Side-note: The night before I had gone out with some old friends (and some new ones). We were all gathered the Habatchi grill and watching the man do his magic tricks. "Rose" came and sat down. She didn't talk much and was rather introverted. She pretty much was rude and inconsiderate by not saying anything. Sort of bratty. Either way I made a new friend and was glad to see that my old friends still tell me I haven't changed. I love to hear that- I really don't want my personality to change.
I really don't mind receiving information of that matter. I love to listen to stuff like that. I'll be the first one to say DISH DISH DISH. Then some guy I've known for a really long time from California insisted that I move to California.
I only managed about two hours of sleep. So enough said. So I got up. I unpacked. I was left without groceries...Again. LAME. whatever.
I finally settled down.
I have no idea who is in town. So I pretty much just started texting everyone I could possibly know.
I was surprised the amount of people that answered and were interested in hanging out with me...but weren't in town.
Blah.
In the end I ended up hanging out with "Geoff" He is a guy I met up in the library one day and we just hit it off. Friendwise of course, he explicitly told me that he has the ability not to get attached and if he were able to manage to feel one way about a girl in Europe, he could here...but if he were to ever show OBVIOUS interest I would not deny his advances. He is a very good looking and smart individual. I appreciate the fact that he tells me this.
I like it when a guy tells me he isn't looking for a relationship. It just makes it easier for me to NOT PURSUE. All I need is the underlying condition of NOT INTERESTED, whether it's because they do not have the same feelings or because they really don't want to be weighed down, I feel nothing anymore. It's the same effect of finding out a guys is gay. I lose interest and pretty quickly.
Geoff invited a few people over and I rather enjoyed their company. I was pretty oblivious to Geoff and couldn't really tell if he was flirting with me or not. I just took it as not to be precautious. I did find interest in one of his roommates. Geoff kept emphasizing that they were cousins (now, whether this is true or not, I have NO idea). "Diego" was cute. Smart. Ambitious. He had a nice butt. I don't know if he was flirty but managed to carry a conversation with me, I noticed him me look at me, but never really knew if it was coincidental or not...and he could possibly be gay (which really wouldn't surprise me, I do like them gay.) I inquired about him and still am waiting for a response...at this point it's just to make another contact. Even if he has no interest for me or is gay. Either way, he did give me some information and I did learn somthing that day, I learned that there are actual tornaments that involve rock, paper, scissors.
I would die happy being in one of those things. haha.
The group played a drinking game that was called Maow...I am unsure of what the acutal spelling is, and unaware of playing the game other than laughing hysterically at the people who get incredibly pissed off. We also played "fuck the dealer" quite interesting to see what these games held.
Later we watched some tv and then departed. It was a good night. I'm glad things worked out the way they did.
That day I decided to not eat beef and pork. At least for the semester. I'll see how it works. It was just a random whim and I plan on carrying one with it.
Today was just a cluster fuck of misadventures.
I woke up today and I don't remember what I did for a good part of two hours as I woke up.
I managed to meander my way through the office in charge of school ID's. I managed to lose mine towards the end of last year. That's always fun.
It seems that everyone else had the same idea.
I was pretty fucked over in the looks department. I just threw on a shirt and some jeans and hardly managed my hair, once I step out into the humidity, all hell breaks loose.
I didn't realize I had to take my picture to get it replaced.
God, did I look like utter shit. Oh well.
From there I hopped on a bus and went straight to go buy my bike. I think my bike is pretty beast. It's a 26'' schwinn tourist for guys. I didn't give a fuck, I knew that was the bike I wanted when I saw it. It is fucking amazing and makes me happy as hell. So I got the bike and the bike lock, and on my way out i needed to adjust the seat so I grabbed a swiss army knife because I needed a screwdriver to fix it. I also figured its multipurpose nature would give me something to open the fucking packaging from the bike lock.
Little did I know that the damn knife itself is packaged with impossibly impeneratrable plastic.
I was sitting outside the store and some old lady sits next to me to have a smoke. As i was fretting around with the packaging, I finally asked her to borrow her lighter and burned the plastic open.
Gotta love kickass OMG I GOT IT moments like that.
So get it open, then I start to undo the packaging from the bike lock, carelessly, and then I cut myself.
I shanked myself.
So I sat there. Bleeding. Applying pressure to the wound. Then some two other women come by (at that time, the other older woman was creeped out by the way her lighter was used and got up and left) and were concerned. They tell me to go and get a band aid from the guest services.
I look at them and tell them, "I would but I don't want to leave my stuff here"
With sympathy, they tell me that they will watch my stuff for me. I trusted the old ladies. So I go into the store and pretty much cut everyone. I look at the guy behind me and tell him, "listen, I don't want to cut you, I just want a band aid." He glanced at my hand which was virtually soaked in blood and nodded. I managed to get the bandaid, washed the cut and went outside and gathered my things.
I then stopped by Publix and bought a few groceries. Pretty dumb on my part for buying so many groceries. I had trouble riding home with the massive amount I bought and opted to just grab the bus back to campus. I couldn't find my ID and was left to pay out the 1.50. I reorganized my groceries so that it wouldnt be so massive and somewhere along the way I had lost my salad dressing...Even then it was quite difficult to ride it. AT that point I just walked my bike to the Journalism building and locked it up to retreive it later.
I went with salto do some errands. then just hung around and biked around.
I met up with Lewis. He's a pretty cool guy, just completely clueless when it comes to anywhere about getting laid. I'm surprised I can talk to him without a problem. I usually have so much difficulty... I guess it's because I see him everywhere. If I didn't see him i'm pretty sure I wouldn't even try.... Whatever.
I've been offered to jobs. Both are online based. I'm not too sure how it will work out, and I'm still applying for other jobs, but I hope I manange to get something flexable. I really would like to be able to swim. But I live RIGHT THERE from the gym, so i'm sure it wouldn't be that hard.
Oh well. Let's hope for the best, right?
For your enjoyment.
I was woken up by my mother at 3:30 in the am. Which was expected, but for whatever reason there is a lack of empathy, or even understanding. I tried going to bed early. I honestly did. But I was awaken by calls from Ari about some uneducated person's actions at a dinner...
Side-note: The night before I had gone out with some old friends (and some new ones). We were all gathered the Habatchi grill and watching the man do his magic tricks. "Rose" came and sat down. She didn't talk much and was rather introverted. She pretty much was rude and inconsiderate by not saying anything. Sort of bratty. Either way I made a new friend and was glad to see that my old friends still tell me I haven't changed. I love to hear that- I really don't want my personality to change.
I really don't mind receiving information of that matter. I love to listen to stuff like that. I'll be the first one to say DISH DISH DISH. Then some guy I've known for a really long time from California insisted that I move to California.
I only managed about two hours of sleep. So enough said. So I got up. I unpacked. I was left without groceries...Again. LAME. whatever.
I finally settled down.
I have no idea who is in town. So I pretty much just started texting everyone I could possibly know.
I was surprised the amount of people that answered and were interested in hanging out with me...but weren't in town.
Blah.
In the end I ended up hanging out with "Geoff" He is a guy I met up in the library one day and we just hit it off. Friendwise of course, he explicitly told me that he has the ability not to get attached and if he were able to manage to feel one way about a girl in Europe, he could here...but if he were to ever show OBVIOUS interest I would not deny his advances. He is a very good looking and smart individual. I appreciate the fact that he tells me this.
I like it when a guy tells me he isn't looking for a relationship. It just makes it easier for me to NOT PURSUE. All I need is the underlying condition of NOT INTERESTED, whether it's because they do not have the same feelings or because they really don't want to be weighed down, I feel nothing anymore. It's the same effect of finding out a guys is gay. I lose interest and pretty quickly.
Geoff invited a few people over and I rather enjoyed their company. I was pretty oblivious to Geoff and couldn't really tell if he was flirting with me or not. I just took it as not to be precautious. I did find interest in one of his roommates. Geoff kept emphasizing that they were cousins (now, whether this is true or not, I have NO idea). "Diego" was cute. Smart. Ambitious. He had a nice butt. I don't know if he was flirty but managed to carry a conversation with me, I noticed him me look at me, but never really knew if it was coincidental or not...and he could possibly be gay (which really wouldn't surprise me, I do like them gay.) I inquired about him and still am waiting for a response...at this point it's just to make another contact. Even if he has no interest for me or is gay. Either way, he did give me some information and I did learn somthing that day, I learned that there are actual tornaments that involve rock, paper, scissors.
I would die happy being in one of those things. haha.
The group played a drinking game that was called Maow...I am unsure of what the acutal spelling is, and unaware of playing the game other than laughing hysterically at the people who get incredibly pissed off. We also played "fuck the dealer" quite interesting to see what these games held.
Later we watched some tv and then departed. It was a good night. I'm glad things worked out the way they did.
That day I decided to not eat beef and pork. At least for the semester. I'll see how it works. It was just a random whim and I plan on carrying one with it.
Today was just a cluster fuck of misadventures.
I woke up today and I don't remember what I did for a good part of two hours as I woke up.
I managed to meander my way through the office in charge of school ID's. I managed to lose mine towards the end of last year. That's always fun.
It seems that everyone else had the same idea.
I was pretty fucked over in the looks department. I just threw on a shirt and some jeans and hardly managed my hair, once I step out into the humidity, all hell breaks loose.
I didn't realize I had to take my picture to get it replaced.
God, did I look like utter shit. Oh well.
From there I hopped on a bus and went straight to go buy my bike. I think my bike is pretty beast. It's a 26'' schwinn tourist for guys. I didn't give a fuck, I knew that was the bike I wanted when I saw it. It is fucking amazing and makes me happy as hell. So I got the bike and the bike lock, and on my way out i needed to adjust the seat so I grabbed a swiss army knife because I needed a screwdriver to fix it. I also figured its multipurpose nature would give me something to open the fucking packaging from the bike lock.
Little did I know that the damn knife itself is packaged with impossibly impeneratrable plastic.
I was sitting outside the store and some old lady sits next to me to have a smoke. As i was fretting around with the packaging, I finally asked her to borrow her lighter and burned the plastic open.
Gotta love kickass OMG I GOT IT moments like that.
So get it open, then I start to undo the packaging from the bike lock, carelessly, and then I cut myself.
I shanked myself.
So I sat there. Bleeding. Applying pressure to the wound. Then some two other women come by (at that time, the other older woman was creeped out by the way her lighter was used and got up and left) and were concerned. They tell me to go and get a band aid from the guest services.
I look at them and tell them, "I would but I don't want to leave my stuff here"
With sympathy, they tell me that they will watch my stuff for me. I trusted the old ladies. So I go into the store and pretty much cut everyone. I look at the guy behind me and tell him, "listen, I don't want to cut you, I just want a band aid." He glanced at my hand which was virtually soaked in blood and nodded. I managed to get the bandaid, washed the cut and went outside and gathered my things.
I then stopped by Publix and bought a few groceries. Pretty dumb on my part for buying so many groceries. I had trouble riding home with the massive amount I bought and opted to just grab the bus back to campus. I couldn't find my ID and was left to pay out the 1.50. I reorganized my groceries so that it wouldnt be so massive and somewhere along the way I had lost my salad dressing...Even then it was quite difficult to ride it. AT that point I just walked my bike to the Journalism building and locked it up to retreive it later.
I went with salto do some errands. then just hung around and biked around.
I met up with Lewis. He's a pretty cool guy, just completely clueless when it comes to anywhere about getting laid. I'm surprised I can talk to him without a problem. I usually have so much difficulty... I guess it's because I see him everywhere. If I didn't see him i'm pretty sure I wouldn't even try.... Whatever.
I've been offered to jobs. Both are online based. I'm not too sure how it will work out, and I'm still applying for other jobs, but I hope I manange to get something flexable. I really would like to be able to swim. But I live RIGHT THERE from the gym, so i'm sure it wouldn't be that hard.
Oh well. Let's hope for the best, right?
For your enjoyment.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Cock Blocking Tendencies
I finished my internship. I don't think I could have been happier.
The thing is- I was stressing about getting a job. Finally got a job. And then finding out that the job is a mass corporation of people. Which isn't all that bad, but there is no meshing. I was pretty much the odd ball out. I was the youngest. Probably the poorest (not saying I'm poor...just not as well off as other individuals I know) I was Hispanic, and most of my interactions were with white people (not that I have anything against the white people, if anyone knows me, they know that I'm very partial to that ethnic group). I was either smarter or not as smart as the individuals I had to deal with. It was incredibly frustrating. That and I had to be on the constant look out for unstimulated projects. I only got close to "Violet", and even then, she wasn't any of the higher up positions. I felt pretty down on myself and probably ate my feelings away.
I immediately lost weight the moment I stopped working. I know that sounds pretty dumb, but I did. I managed more sleep, wasn't snacking as much due to stress...I've pretty much lost the five pounds I gained while working. Granted I still have probably another ten to go before I go to the ideal weight, but I'm working on at least another five to be perfectly okay with myself.
I never want to have a job if it means weight gain.
Things are working out. This makes me hopeful and anxious for the good things to start.
I'm excited to go back and see the people I made friends with, the people I met to be better friends with, and making new friends. I definitely won't have another opportunity like this. I'm one year done, and I have three more to go. It's sad to know that time goes by so fast, but that's why I have to make the most of every moment.
And I will. :)
* * *
This sucks though. I have to pretty much hunt down for a job once I get back into school... Or at least in December. Calls up the wazzoo and sending my resume left and right. Well...at least it will guarantee what I will be doing for the summer. I was really lucky to be given my internship.
The guy that helped me out with my internship will be referred to as "Stuart." He is my angel. He is in charge of the 2012 class concerning scholarships. Since it's a renewable scholarship, we have to reapply every year and interview every year. At my last interview they had asked me what I was doing that summer and I, nearly about to cry, my eyes filled with water almost about to burst, told them I had applied to literally forty, if not more, places and had been searching for something to do over the summer. The panel replied that they would help me get a job.
The next day I get a call from the staff recruiter concerning a job interview. I was stunned. I then told my ex boyfriends mom and she told me that a man whom I met before to talk about the possibility of going to Brown knew some of the shareholders. He recommended me on top of that. Score for me.
Either way, I was INCREDIBLY grateful to Stuart, I have no idea how I would be able to repay him.
* * *
Today was the scholarship luncheon. I invited Ari, because I felt like she would be able to enjoy a free lunch, even if it was just okay. But free food is free food, so no complaints on my part. So we sat next to a girl who I knew back in elementary school. "Carol" has been a really sweet sociable person, and I like talking to her mom, because she doesn't understand English and I am able to speak Spanish with her, which I know I can always brush up on those skills (the one thing I know I did when I was talking to "Alberto" the custodian at work).
So we sat and I chatted to Carol, then come this stunningly beautiful man. I eyed him up and down. He was checking me out (totally caught him! I would look down and looked back up with a smile and he averted his eyes TEEHEE). He was tall, nicely built, blue eyes (all I need, blue eyes and a nice smile, I remember telling that to Jake. I wonder if he ever picked up on the obvious pickup...), blond hair-- the typical American boy (haha, I know it's hypocritical, me discussing how I have to compete with the typical American girl, but I can't help that this boy was gorgeous) His name was "George." George mentioned something about to a sitting board member about his school, and like a switch I squeal our mascot and he looks at me with that big wonderful smile and asks if i go to his school. I said yes, obviously, and we started to discuss the usual major, school experience, possibly jobs...and like most guys I know he ends up talking about himself.
Side-note: Guys never ask stuff about me. Which is fine, I don't mind it. If anything I prefer it that way, I manage to get more control over whether I rebuff or accept advances, but isn't the job of guys supposed to be making the girl talk about herself? When did that change? I guess these types of things change with the level of arrogance.
He's a mechanical engineer, he worked designing air plane seats for the rich and fabulous of the friggin world. I was pretty impressed. So we continue talking and then some big fat ho comes in and sits between us (it was a circular table and we were sitting across from each other) and completely interrupts our conversation. He was then saying things to me, but without specifically stating that they were questions to me, and so she answers them.
Side-note: I later told Ari, "I love how that ho completely cock blocked us." She responded, "I know, I saw your face." I laughed, because I know how transparent I am. I wonder who else noticed, you know just for kicks.
So the incoming freshmen go up to accept their awards, and then sophomores, which I am a second year, but with about as many credits as a junior, that's not the point of it. They have us go up and tell the audience about ourselves and answer a question. Which I love to do. The sophomore's questions was what advice would you give to the incoming freshman- I mentioned to get as involved as possible, get to know the people around you and your surroundings. Stuart is in charge of our class, as I mentioned before, and he was handing out the scholarships. I went in to shake his and and bent over to whisper something to him.
"Thank you so much for the internship, you have no idea how much I appreciate it."
I've always wanted to do one of those lean-in whispers. It makes you look official. I always see the president do it. It just seems so high brow. I friggin love it.
I sat down and George looks at me with his flattering eyes and smile and said, "that was nice." If only he was a pursuer.
The lunch continued on and ended. Afterward people came around to talk, George came and found me. I found out where he lived in the town. A bunch of people came and I noticed a few people I wanted to talk to, old friends really. I excused myself to talk to them and then we took picture. I couldn't find him afterwards... I was a bit upset. But I guess he just wasn't that into me or misinterpreted my actions. Sadness. If it was meant to be, I'll find him at school.
I doubt that though, seeing as he is an engineer major.
Then Stuart approached me and I thanked him a billion times. He is so humble and sweet. I wish to find a man like him in my life that I can marry.
" I know you wanted to do something in law...and I know it wasn't the most challenging of work," he mentioned.
"You have to start somewhere," I interrupted with a smile that was plastered on my face.
I thanked him even more.
Then came another cock block move, in the sense of brown nosing. By this I mean I was excited to finally tell him how much I appreciated his minor effort in my summer, which made a MAJOR contribution. And here comes some dumb BROAD, probably eavesdropping here and there thinking I'm thanking him for the scholarship. So she comes up and pretty much thanks him for the scholarship.
I'm the type of person to sense the ass kissery upon first instance. Most people will be able to not even notice. It sucks to be so aware of people sometimes...Anything anyone tells you about me, I promise you their first words will be far from "ass-kisser" or anything related to that sense. They will say, shallow, self-centered, high maintenance, and sometimes selfish. Qualities which I acknowledge despite their connotations (I'm pretty self aware). So when I make an effort to be appreciative and thankful of what you have done for me. It's pretty apparent that I'm being genuine. It just felt so tainted having the 'talented' ass kisser refute my efforts and make them seem like it was just a ploy to get ahead in the social ladder.
I work my way up, not pile a bunch of shit and hope to get there that way.
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be so aggravated if this Broad didn't blindly and with unjustified ignorance insult me at a party.
At a party she found out my National background, and asked, "Are you Mexican?" I responded yes. I have no problem telling people and feel no shame for being Mexican, just detest the stereotype that many portray with being Mexican. I'm more Spaniard/Basque than Native Mexican (hardly a percentage), but my family did reside in that area, and therefore I would be Mexican.
She then replied, "Then why aren't you out mowing the lawn right now?"
Ignorant Prejudiced Bitch.
Of course I stormed out of the party and was soon comforted by my ex-boyfriend. The host apologized for her. She didn't even apologize herself.
Here's the Clincher: She was Cuban.
The host suggested that I could make fun of her for that. But I've had amazing Cuban friends. Even if I didn't have amazing Cuban friends, I would never stoop low enough to throw someone underneath the bus and ridicule them in such a manner. It's petty and uneducated.
It just makes me feel better that she's gained a lot of weight.
Later I went with Ari to crash the beach, which conveniently was close by. We were out long enough for me to renew my tan. We talked. We hung out. I really love that woman. I sometimes worry that I won't have anything to tell her. But whenever we hang out, it's usually a nice flow of chatter. It always makes me happy when I think about it.
Then we crashed Jumba Juice. I had some amazing Blackberry smoothie. I died happy.
I love blackberries so much. I have no idea where this taste came from, but I simply adore the fruit.
We then closed the hangout to continue it later with a trip to the water park. Hope all goes well with that.
For Your Enjoyment.
The thing is- I was stressing about getting a job. Finally got a job. And then finding out that the job is a mass corporation of people. Which isn't all that bad, but there is no meshing. I was pretty much the odd ball out. I was the youngest. Probably the poorest (not saying I'm poor...just not as well off as other individuals I know) I was Hispanic, and most of my interactions were with white people (not that I have anything against the white people, if anyone knows me, they know that I'm very partial to that ethnic group). I was either smarter or not as smart as the individuals I had to deal with. It was incredibly frustrating. That and I had to be on the constant look out for unstimulated projects. I only got close to "Violet", and even then, she wasn't any of the higher up positions. I felt pretty down on myself and probably ate my feelings away.
I immediately lost weight the moment I stopped working. I know that sounds pretty dumb, but I did. I managed more sleep, wasn't snacking as much due to stress...I've pretty much lost the five pounds I gained while working. Granted I still have probably another ten to go before I go to the ideal weight, but I'm working on at least another five to be perfectly okay with myself.
I never want to have a job if it means weight gain.
Things are working out. This makes me hopeful and anxious for the good things to start.
I'm excited to go back and see the people I made friends with, the people I met to be better friends with, and making new friends. I definitely won't have another opportunity like this. I'm one year done, and I have three more to go. It's sad to know that time goes by so fast, but that's why I have to make the most of every moment.
And I will. :)
* * *
This sucks though. I have to pretty much hunt down for a job once I get back into school... Or at least in December. Calls up the wazzoo and sending my resume left and right. Well...at least it will guarantee what I will be doing for the summer. I was really lucky to be given my internship.
The guy that helped me out with my internship will be referred to as "Stuart." He is my angel. He is in charge of the 2012 class concerning scholarships. Since it's a renewable scholarship, we have to reapply every year and interview every year. At my last interview they had asked me what I was doing that summer and I, nearly about to cry, my eyes filled with water almost about to burst, told them I had applied to literally forty, if not more, places and had been searching for something to do over the summer. The panel replied that they would help me get a job.
The next day I get a call from the staff recruiter concerning a job interview. I was stunned. I then told my ex boyfriends mom and she told me that a man whom I met before to talk about the possibility of going to Brown knew some of the shareholders. He recommended me on top of that. Score for me.
Either way, I was INCREDIBLY grateful to Stuart, I have no idea how I would be able to repay him.
* * *
Today was the scholarship luncheon. I invited Ari, because I felt like she would be able to enjoy a free lunch, even if it was just okay. But free food is free food, so no complaints on my part. So we sat next to a girl who I knew back in elementary school. "Carol" has been a really sweet sociable person, and I like talking to her mom, because she doesn't understand English and I am able to speak Spanish with her, which I know I can always brush up on those skills (the one thing I know I did when I was talking to "Alberto" the custodian at work).
So we sat and I chatted to Carol, then come this stunningly beautiful man. I eyed him up and down. He was checking me out (totally caught him! I would look down and looked back up with a smile and he averted his eyes TEEHEE). He was tall, nicely built, blue eyes (all I need, blue eyes and a nice smile, I remember telling that to Jake. I wonder if he ever picked up on the obvious pickup...), blond hair-- the typical American boy (haha, I know it's hypocritical, me discussing how I have to compete with the typical American girl, but I can't help that this boy was gorgeous) His name was "George." George mentioned something about to a sitting board member about his school, and like a switch I squeal our mascot and he looks at me with that big wonderful smile and asks if i go to his school. I said yes, obviously, and we started to discuss the usual major, school experience, possibly jobs...and like most guys I know he ends up talking about himself.
Side-note: Guys never ask stuff about me. Which is fine, I don't mind it. If anything I prefer it that way, I manage to get more control over whether I rebuff or accept advances, but isn't the job of guys supposed to be making the girl talk about herself? When did that change? I guess these types of things change with the level of arrogance.
He's a mechanical engineer, he worked designing air plane seats for the rich and fabulous of the friggin world. I was pretty impressed. So we continue talking and then some big fat ho comes in and sits between us (it was a circular table and we were sitting across from each other) and completely interrupts our conversation. He was then saying things to me, but without specifically stating that they were questions to me, and so she answers them.
Side-note: I later told Ari, "I love how that ho completely cock blocked us." She responded, "I know, I saw your face." I laughed, because I know how transparent I am. I wonder who else noticed, you know just for kicks.
So the incoming freshmen go up to accept their awards, and then sophomores, which I am a second year, but with about as many credits as a junior, that's not the point of it. They have us go up and tell the audience about ourselves and answer a question. Which I love to do. The sophomore's questions was what advice would you give to the incoming freshman- I mentioned to get as involved as possible, get to know the people around you and your surroundings. Stuart is in charge of our class, as I mentioned before, and he was handing out the scholarships. I went in to shake his and and bent over to whisper something to him.
"Thank you so much for the internship, you have no idea how much I appreciate it."
I've always wanted to do one of those lean-in whispers. It makes you look official. I always see the president do it. It just seems so high brow. I friggin love it.
I sat down and George looks at me with his flattering eyes and smile and said, "that was nice." If only he was a pursuer.
The lunch continued on and ended. Afterward people came around to talk, George came and found me. I found out where he lived in the town. A bunch of people came and I noticed a few people I wanted to talk to, old friends really. I excused myself to talk to them and then we took picture. I couldn't find him afterwards... I was a bit upset. But I guess he just wasn't that into me or misinterpreted my actions. Sadness. If it was meant to be, I'll find him at school.
I doubt that though, seeing as he is an engineer major.
Then Stuart approached me and I thanked him a billion times. He is so humble and sweet. I wish to find a man like him in my life that I can marry.
" I know you wanted to do something in law...and I know it wasn't the most challenging of work," he mentioned.
"You have to start somewhere," I interrupted with a smile that was plastered on my face.
I thanked him even more.
Then came another cock block move, in the sense of brown nosing. By this I mean I was excited to finally tell him how much I appreciated his minor effort in my summer, which made a MAJOR contribution. And here comes some dumb BROAD, probably eavesdropping here and there thinking I'm thanking him for the scholarship. So she comes up and pretty much thanks him for the scholarship.
I'm the type of person to sense the ass kissery upon first instance. Most people will be able to not even notice. It sucks to be so aware of people sometimes...Anything anyone tells you about me, I promise you their first words will be far from "ass-kisser" or anything related to that sense. They will say, shallow, self-centered, high maintenance, and sometimes selfish. Qualities which I acknowledge despite their connotations (I'm pretty self aware). So when I make an effort to be appreciative and thankful of what you have done for me. It's pretty apparent that I'm being genuine. It just felt so tainted having the 'talented' ass kisser refute my efforts and make them seem like it was just a ploy to get ahead in the social ladder.
I work my way up, not pile a bunch of shit and hope to get there that way.
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be so aggravated if this Broad didn't blindly and with unjustified ignorance insult me at a party.
At a party she found out my National background, and asked, "Are you Mexican?" I responded yes. I have no problem telling people and feel no shame for being Mexican, just detest the stereotype that many portray with being Mexican. I'm more Spaniard/Basque than Native Mexican (hardly a percentage), but my family did reside in that area, and therefore I would be Mexican.
She then replied, "Then why aren't you out mowing the lawn right now?"
Ignorant Prejudiced Bitch.
Of course I stormed out of the party and was soon comforted by my ex-boyfriend. The host apologized for her. She didn't even apologize herself.
Here's the Clincher: She was Cuban.
The host suggested that I could make fun of her for that. But I've had amazing Cuban friends. Even if I didn't have amazing Cuban friends, I would never stoop low enough to throw someone underneath the bus and ridicule them in such a manner. It's petty and uneducated.
It just makes me feel better that she's gained a lot of weight.
Later I went with Ari to crash the beach, which conveniently was close by. We were out long enough for me to renew my tan. We talked. We hung out. I really love that woman. I sometimes worry that I won't have anything to tell her. But whenever we hang out, it's usually a nice flow of chatter. It always makes me happy when I think about it.
Then we crashed Jumba Juice. I had some amazing Blackberry smoothie. I died happy.
I love blackberries so much. I have no idea where this taste came from, but I simply adore the fruit.
We then closed the hangout to continue it later with a trip to the water park. Hope all goes well with that.
For Your Enjoyment.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Bloody Tattoo
For whatever reason I've been out and about. This Wednesday I saw The Orphan... and rather enjoyed myself.
I was the stereotype at a horror/thiller movie. I was screaming, I was talking with "Ryan" throughout the entirty of the movie, I was super impressed by Bianca's ability to completely avoid our conversation. It got to the point that the entire movie theater was communicating with each other indirectly.
The people in the back would mention a comment or two and me and Ryan would get a chuckle out of it and vice versa.
It was a small group, since it was the middle of the week, so I guess we had more leeway when it came to hushed talking. I'm pretty sure a crowd would be upset. That and the age group of the individuals who happen to be in the movie were relatively young.
I really got into the movie, it was something I cannot remember doing before. I guess because I had the ability to talk, because I had someone who also was willing to talk about the movie (he was hispanic and probably could better relate to when it came to inserting our comments, I think if anything, he started and I just followed suit). I would scream "YEA TAKE THAT" or "CMON MAN" and no one said anything. No one chastised me. I rather enjoyed myself.
Later was a trip to Steak 'n Shake and we all ate, and then hung around in the parking lot where I decorated Bianca's car with a much needed "Penis" on her dirt infested car.
Good Times.
I was the stereotype at a horror/thiller movie. I was screaming, I was talking with "Ryan" throughout the entirty of the movie, I was super impressed by Bianca's ability to completely avoid our conversation. It got to the point that the entire movie theater was communicating with each other indirectly.
The people in the back would mention a comment or two and me and Ryan would get a chuckle out of it and vice versa.
It was a small group, since it was the middle of the week, so I guess we had more leeway when it came to hushed talking. I'm pretty sure a crowd would be upset. That and the age group of the individuals who happen to be in the movie were relatively young.
I really got into the movie, it was something I cannot remember doing before. I guess because I had the ability to talk, because I had someone who also was willing to talk about the movie (he was hispanic and probably could better relate to when it came to inserting our comments, I think if anything, he started and I just followed suit). I would scream "YEA TAKE THAT" or "CMON MAN" and no one said anything. No one chastised me. I rather enjoyed myself.
Later was a trip to Steak 'n Shake and we all ate, and then hung around in the parking lot where I decorated Bianca's car with a much needed "Penis" on her dirt infested car.
Good Times.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Death By Nagging - an explanation of sorts
Four months being home.
Yea, I thought it was going to be fun.
Fuck me for being so naive.
Don't get me wrong. I've enjoyed all of the social experiences, the new friends I've made, the friendships I've secured even more and the shows I have gone to. But all in all the one major thing I can say that has tarnished my summer experience would be my mother.
First off, it was probably not in my best interest to go as soon as possible. But I had friends aching to been seen so I decided to go home early. Not realizing the opportunities I was missing out on until too late. I left the same day I had my last exam.
Moving was a bitch.
Fuck me for thinking my family was going to be cooperative.
And that's pretty much when things started to go down hill, for whatever reason.
There were massive arguments with me and my mom. I wasn't really happy about leaving. I had finally gotten a good bunch of friends, I was stressed, and she decided to be a bitch. I guess my demeanor wasn't really helping, but what can I say? I had to pack and study. I was running on minimal sleep.
It was just back and forth with us, and my Older brother pretty much had enough. She was pretty much talking shit about me. How I've changed.
I really hate it when people say that. "How they have changed"
Really?
Did you expect time and circumstance to stay the same even though there are outside variables that give a person more experience, more perspective and more opportunity to grow and handle things themselves. Why do you expect a person to stay the same?
I've been getting this shit all summer. You've changed, I don't know who you are! You never keep in touch! You disconnect from the family!
No, the only person I can't stand is her (and you'll see why in a few). My older brother talks to me and my younger brother talks to me just fine. Everyone cannot stand her. It seems pretty unanimous.
I think the thing that gets to her is the fact that she has no real control over me. That and the fact that when she does try to pull some 'mothering' I really don't care to abide by it unless its something simple. There was a good period of time that she would ask me twenty questions before I went somewhere. It was aggravating to deal with it. Especially since I'm just used to walking out the door without a hassle. Especially since before, it would just be where and who. Not, where and who, for how long, how have you met them, what is your status with them? What the hell, stay out of my personal life!
And that's the thing, she doesn't have a personal life, so I suppose she must feel the need to fill the void by living through mine. I'm her daughter, and yet I can eerily compare myself to those children who have to go through the beauty pageants...because their fat, untalented, ugly mothers didn't have that ability when they were younger.
So what does she do to fill the void? She goes through my personal belongings while I'm away. I'm always out of the house, I can't stand being there, especially when my mother is here. It just makes it easier for her to rummage.
I think she's just looking for a reason to fight. Looking for a reason to take someone down. At one point, after coming home at 3 in the morning with friends, perfectly sober (I come home drunk/tipsy earlier...you would think the other way around, hehe) she was in my room, pacing back and forth repeating the same thing over and over again. I was trying to ignore and get some sleep. She's fucking mental and needs medication...
So here is pretty much the rundown of what she thinks of me.
She thinks I do drugs. Which anyone will know that after inhaling one puff of whatever John was having at that party and completely freaking the fuck out and being high for like hours without end, I'm never doing that shit again.
She thinks I'm having sex with the entire neighborhood.
I have no fucking idea where she comes up with these elaborate plots. She seriously needs medication. I've only slept with three guys in my life. Now, I don't think that sounds slutty, or sleazy, but if someone else feels the need to correct me, by all means.
I know I have somewhere that I've slept over people's houses. I have done that. I'm not really too proud of that, and even though there was no sex involved, it was still a 'walk of shame' once I left. I think the fact that I didn't put out was good. The fact that I slept over, does kind of sound sleazy though, and the way I wrote in my PRIVATE JOURNAL, and i mean, with paper and pen and everything [this is ONE of the TWO reasons why I have a blog, why my name isn't on here, and why the names are altered, because if she knew, she would have a field day] makes it seem like I might have given in. We had several arguments about this.
Her argument is that I'm pretty. Yea, well everyone thinks their children happen to be the bee's knees when it comes in the looks department. But I haven't had any luck scoring with the guys (or girls for that matter). Not here, and not in school. So there really isn't much to worry about.
She also has gotten a hold of my facebook. She traded my brother the password for his facebook for the access to the household computer. She's been using his facebook to look at mine. She's been using his facebook to look at my stuff. I realized this when she started to obsess about facebook and my statuses.
It's not the fact that I care that she's is looking at my facebook, people i know less can see my facebook stuff. It's the matter that she went behind my back, like a stalker and is looking at my things. If someone was peeing into your window to watch you, you would pretty much find that creepy. But if you let them in the door, and keep your door open in a house with people that you know and for the most part don't care to show what you are doing, then you really don't care who sees you. At least that's how I view it. I deleted my brother, and she ended up confronting me about it.
To say the least, she was pissed. She was screaming at me and saying things like i was friend's with Bianca's mom on facebook. I told her she should get a facebook and then she could see the things everyone else is instead of sneaking around like a weird obsessive person.
She didn't talk to me for a good week.
More than anything. She has been hassling me about my weight.
I'll be honest. I'm 125. Ten pounds over what I minimally want to be. I've gained weight being at home because my brother and my dad grocery shop for JUNK FOOD. Even when I bought my own food IT WAS CONSUMED so there went a good portion of my money, and my plan was pretty much worthless. So I have been consuming the slop that they make (because GOD knows they can't cook for crap) and it's come to a point where I am fed up with tomato rice and pasta with either beef or chicken. There has to be more to life than just simpleton meals. (it makes me ache for the Krishna Lunch)
Every time, we get into it, she uses my weight as a way of getting back at me.
When she's pissed, she'll say i've gained weight. When I tell her I weigh the same as I did when I was in junior year of high school, she'll look at me and say that's impossible because I'm massive now. Every time I tell her that I've run a mile or biked in the south Florida heat for two hours and immediately after swam for a forty minutes, she tells me I shouldn't worry about those types of excersise and should focus more on doing sit ups and crunches so I can work the fat of my gut.
I've been pretty much overweight since the age of 8. That's when her cruel torture began.
At the age of 16 I was developing an eating disorder. At the age of 17 she was content with the fact that I was bordering 109 lbs. All I had to eat throughout the day was an apple and some popcorn for lunch. Maybe a snack. Maybe breakfast. Tiny portions of dinner. When I moved out (18), I had gained five lbs, more than anything in muscle because I was finally eating (mainly because Krishna lunch had cured the disorder, i like to think)
I know I need to lose weight now, but I really don't think it's as bad as she portrays it. I would swim in a semi Olympic sized pool three times a week when i was in school. That's a lot of cardio to make up for. Here i have probably what is an eighth of that to work with. Not only that, but I had control of what I was eating there. I didn't have a full time job. I didn't have a class with that full time job.
I'm working on it. The worst I managed to get this summer was 130 when i was starting up school and work. But managed to get it down to 125. Now my class is done with, so I'm hoping to at least shed another five.
I think what sucks most is that on a girl, muscle looks pretty bad. I bet some guys would love my ability to gain muscle. I have NO problem gaining muscle. But I don't look too good when I'm bulky.
Her and her menopause just amplifies everything. If I end up like that, I'm risking cancer and doing hormone treatment.
I hope things just work out.
With my mom. With my weight. With a lot of things.
For your enjoyment.
Yea, I thought it was going to be fun.
Fuck me for being so naive.
Don't get me wrong. I've enjoyed all of the social experiences, the new friends I've made, the friendships I've secured even more and the shows I have gone to. But all in all the one major thing I can say that has tarnished my summer experience would be my mother.
First off, it was probably not in my best interest to go as soon as possible. But I had friends aching to been seen so I decided to go home early. Not realizing the opportunities I was missing out on until too late. I left the same day I had my last exam.
Moving was a bitch.
Fuck me for thinking my family was going to be cooperative.
And that's pretty much when things started to go down hill, for whatever reason.
There were massive arguments with me and my mom. I wasn't really happy about leaving. I had finally gotten a good bunch of friends, I was stressed, and she decided to be a bitch. I guess my demeanor wasn't really helping, but what can I say? I had to pack and study. I was running on minimal sleep.
It was just back and forth with us, and my Older brother pretty much had enough. She was pretty much talking shit about me. How I've changed.
I really hate it when people say that. "How they have changed"
Really?
Did you expect time and circumstance to stay the same even though there are outside variables that give a person more experience, more perspective and more opportunity to grow and handle things themselves. Why do you expect a person to stay the same?
I've been getting this shit all summer. You've changed, I don't know who you are! You never keep in touch! You disconnect from the family!
No, the only person I can't stand is her (and you'll see why in a few). My older brother talks to me and my younger brother talks to me just fine. Everyone cannot stand her. It seems pretty unanimous.
I think the thing that gets to her is the fact that she has no real control over me. That and the fact that when she does try to pull some 'mothering' I really don't care to abide by it unless its something simple. There was a good period of time that she would ask me twenty questions before I went somewhere. It was aggravating to deal with it. Especially since I'm just used to walking out the door without a hassle. Especially since before, it would just be where and who. Not, where and who, for how long, how have you met them, what is your status with them? What the hell, stay out of my personal life!
And that's the thing, she doesn't have a personal life, so I suppose she must feel the need to fill the void by living through mine. I'm her daughter, and yet I can eerily compare myself to those children who have to go through the beauty pageants...because their fat, untalented, ugly mothers didn't have that ability when they were younger.
So what does she do to fill the void? She goes through my personal belongings while I'm away. I'm always out of the house, I can't stand being there, especially when my mother is here. It just makes it easier for her to rummage.
I think she's just looking for a reason to fight. Looking for a reason to take someone down. At one point, after coming home at 3 in the morning with friends, perfectly sober (I come home drunk/tipsy earlier...you would think the other way around, hehe) she was in my room, pacing back and forth repeating the same thing over and over again. I was trying to ignore and get some sleep. She's fucking mental and needs medication...
So here is pretty much the rundown of what she thinks of me.
She thinks I do drugs. Which anyone will know that after inhaling one puff of whatever John was having at that party and completely freaking the fuck out and being high for like hours without end, I'm never doing that shit again.
She thinks I'm having sex with the entire neighborhood.
I have no fucking idea where she comes up with these elaborate plots. She seriously needs medication. I've only slept with three guys in my life. Now, I don't think that sounds slutty, or sleazy, but if someone else feels the need to correct me, by all means.
I know I have somewhere that I've slept over people's houses. I have done that. I'm not really too proud of that, and even though there was no sex involved, it was still a 'walk of shame' once I left. I think the fact that I didn't put out was good. The fact that I slept over, does kind of sound sleazy though, and the way I wrote in my PRIVATE JOURNAL, and i mean, with paper and pen and everything [this is ONE of the TWO reasons why I have a blog, why my name isn't on here, and why the names are altered, because if she knew, she would have a field day] makes it seem like I might have given in. We had several arguments about this.
Her argument is that I'm pretty. Yea, well everyone thinks their children happen to be the bee's knees when it comes in the looks department. But I haven't had any luck scoring with the guys (or girls for that matter). Not here, and not in school. So there really isn't much to worry about.
She also has gotten a hold of my facebook. She traded my brother the password for his facebook for the access to the household computer. She's been using his facebook to look at mine. She's been using his facebook to look at my stuff. I realized this when she started to obsess about facebook and my statuses.
It's not the fact that I care that she's is looking at my facebook, people i know less can see my facebook stuff. It's the matter that she went behind my back, like a stalker and is looking at my things. If someone was peeing into your window to watch you, you would pretty much find that creepy. But if you let them in the door, and keep your door open in a house with people that you know and for the most part don't care to show what you are doing, then you really don't care who sees you. At least that's how I view it. I deleted my brother, and she ended up confronting me about it.
To say the least, she was pissed. She was screaming at me and saying things like i was friend's with Bianca's mom on facebook. I told her she should get a facebook and then she could see the things everyone else is instead of sneaking around like a weird obsessive person.
She didn't talk to me for a good week.
More than anything. She has been hassling me about my weight.
I'll be honest. I'm 125. Ten pounds over what I minimally want to be. I've gained weight being at home because my brother and my dad grocery shop for JUNK FOOD. Even when I bought my own food IT WAS CONSUMED so there went a good portion of my money, and my plan was pretty much worthless. So I have been consuming the slop that they make (because GOD knows they can't cook for crap) and it's come to a point where I am fed up with tomato rice and pasta with either beef or chicken. There has to be more to life than just simpleton meals. (it makes me ache for the Krishna Lunch)
Every time, we get into it, she uses my weight as a way of getting back at me.
When she's pissed, she'll say i've gained weight. When I tell her I weigh the same as I did when I was in junior year of high school, she'll look at me and say that's impossible because I'm massive now. Every time I tell her that I've run a mile or biked in the south Florida heat for two hours and immediately after swam for a forty minutes, she tells me I shouldn't worry about those types of excersise and should focus more on doing sit ups and crunches so I can work the fat of my gut.
I've been pretty much overweight since the age of 8. That's when her cruel torture began.
At the age of 16 I was developing an eating disorder. At the age of 17 she was content with the fact that I was bordering 109 lbs. All I had to eat throughout the day was an apple and some popcorn for lunch. Maybe a snack. Maybe breakfast. Tiny portions of dinner. When I moved out (18), I had gained five lbs, more than anything in muscle because I was finally eating (mainly because Krishna lunch had cured the disorder, i like to think)
I know I need to lose weight now, but I really don't think it's as bad as she portrays it. I would swim in a semi Olympic sized pool three times a week when i was in school. That's a lot of cardio to make up for. Here i have probably what is an eighth of that to work with. Not only that, but I had control of what I was eating there. I didn't have a full time job. I didn't have a class with that full time job.
I'm working on it. The worst I managed to get this summer was 130 when i was starting up school and work. But managed to get it down to 125. Now my class is done with, so I'm hoping to at least shed another five.
I think what sucks most is that on a girl, muscle looks pretty bad. I bet some guys would love my ability to gain muscle. I have NO problem gaining muscle. But I don't look too good when I'm bulky.
Her and her menopause just amplifies everything. If I end up like that, I'm risking cancer and doing hormone treatment.
I hope things just work out.
With my mom. With my weight. With a lot of things.
For your enjoyment.
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