Will my April showers bring May flowers?

April seems so horrible.

Trying to find a job. Trying to find a roommate. Trying to get my mental health in check.

It's almost over.
It's almost over.
It's almost over.
It's almost over.

Why do I always pick my education over my emotional welfare?
My friends here suck.
It's always so sketchy. There has to be something wrong with me.

I mean, there has to be. Mentally...and physically.
Exercising an hour a day about obviously isn't working. I'm only gaining more weight. I'm up to 135 now. I don't know how that happened.
My legs are awesome. But I have a horrible gut. I guess I should just do sit ups, but I don't know why I haven't been motivated to do that.

I'm just some ugly blob. I don't feel good about myself. I feel annoying. I feel untalented. I feel all of these horrible things.

My world seems to be crashing down.


Why? It is just my perception?

I hate not having control of my social life. I hate having to constantly reach out.
Whatever. I should get over myself.

I have plenty of options for distractions.

I wish I didn't have motivations, so I could just waste away my worries with drugs.
I think I'm going to stop eating as much.

I know the repercussions of anorexia...but I looked so much better with an eating disorder than I did without...

I at least got attention that way.

Does anything matter anymore
Why do I even bother living if I feel like everything I do is just a failure.

For your enjoyment