Queen of Last Minute crushes

It's not fair. And and all potential.

Gone.

Why?

Because I am the queen of last minute crushes.
What is a last minute crush might you ask?

Pretty much you get to know a person enough to know if you are interested in possibly pursuing something and if you know that the other person probably feels the same way. Sort of like a regular crush, except time, being a cruel reality, makes it impossible for you two to see if there might be more chemistry besides smiles and looks and giggly conversations.

Yea, there is facebook, email, texts, whatever. But if the boy doesn't know you enough and if you have not had enough time to make a valid impression.
So you're pretty much left with a last minute crush. Only with thoughts of possibility. I guess it can be good. Nothing taints your perspective on the individual...but if you're anything like me, or anything close to what I have been, it is kind of devastating.

I've been in a rut. After Lewis, the tragic unemotional fiend that thought he wanted something but realized he was to broken to even care, yet I sort of persisted with the idea of him because I was tired of being lonely...well after him I was on a relationship hiatus. I encountered many flirtables and a few I would have gone after...if it was exam finals week and I didn't have the idea to leave school as soon as possible (like an r-tard). "Daniel" was a cute guy who was on and off again talking to me. I remember our first encounter he was hanging out with Sal's friend "Kendra." They had a thing going on, but it turns out Kendra is bat fucking crazy. Either way, we ended up somehow talking bits and pieces. We met up at John's show, because apparently he was a mutual friend. We talked. I guess we kind of flirted. I know I was into him, and if anyone knows a thing or two about how I operate, it was BLATANTLY OBVIOUS that I was into him. We hung out but he had to leave. He let me borrow his sweater thing. I waited a few days before I ended up washing (the thing was dirty, I would have done it for anyone...I just felt that it was right to wash it because I had borrowed it) and giving it back to him. Then next thing I know I post the status message of me going home and he was like 'we need to hang out' and after jumping through hoops and stuff, we did end up hanging out. four in the morning. i thought there might have been possibility but that died. four months into a summer will do that to a person.
I am without a doubt doing summer a or b. I can't stay here that long.
Then there was "Jake" Ha. I remember the first time I met him. He was fucking DRUNK. He was hysterical. It was nice because he actually remembered me afterward, something which surprised me. We had conversations on and off. Then he started inviting me to his place to talk about things. He lived upstairs so I was for it. Last day, before my departure he invited me to watch a movie. I was still packing.

Just rawr.
That is just with school.

At work, he just left (as i wrote in an earlier entry). "Norbert" (hahaha, god if that was his real name I would laugh hysterically every time I would hear it).
I saw him around and had a random conversation with him every now and then, as it usually occurs. Then his last week of work we work together. I crush. I'm pretty sure he crushed. and now that he's gone. its nothing...

I'm incredibly upset with these pattern of events.

I just want something already. I guess now that I want something, there is nothing.
Norbert said if I was ever in Tampa to shoot him an email. But the likelihood of that happening is quite rare, if not imossible.

Whatever.

I don't understand this guy standstill. I have seemed to have lowered my standards.
No drug users to occasional drug users, meaning like parties...but i really don't want it to happen, but I am in college.
They can have some pudge...if their face and personality just fucking shine through.

That's pretty much it.

I don't know. I'm just anxious of what next school year will bring.

I don't know why I worry so much. It will hopefully all work out in the end.

Hopefully.



For your enjoyment.