Jealousy

How I wonder about it.

I wonder if my friends ever get jealous of me. I know I am an incredibly jealous person. If I could have the body parts and metabolisms of my friends I know what I would pick.

I would first of all keep everything on my head. I have a beautiful head. I have a pretty and unique face. My hair waves and is an amazing brown color (if I do say so myself). The only thing I might change would be my eye color. I have always been a sucker for different eye colors.

I would make myself taller. Being short has its disadvantages. For one, it's not normal to be 120 lbs. Anything over is considered pretty much overweight. I'm pretty athletic, so my excuse is that a lot of it is muscle. It's not a lie. I remember my friend "John" (remember I'm altering names) telling me at one point I had "thunder thighs" from swimming. I bashfully smile, the smile obviously was plastered at the remark. I like my thighs. I have beautiful legs. I would not change those. I would just want a longer torso. My torso is just a blob. I would want my friend "Bianca's" torso. She has an amazing rack and this uncanny ability to not gain any weight on her midsection. For that she sucks hard. She can keep her legs, they aren't toned at all. It suits her, but I like the athletic look when it comes to legs. I would want my friend "Ari's" nails. They grow like nothing. I would want my friend "Sal's" personality, she has this uncanny ability to attract people, despite her appearance which, in my appearance, has seen better days.

But this post wasn't really to tear people apart and demean them and hate them for what they have.

I guess I should be happy with what I have. I am. With some things at least.

It's all to hard to keep up with liking myself in the environment I am currently in.

I miss college. Incredibly. It was such a nourishing environment for someone like me. I can only sigh that going back (And hopefully staying back) is a few weeks away. I feel bad

But I regress to the point.

I wonder if anyone ever wants the features I could have. I, being as open mouthed and minded about any particular issue, have no shame nor issue with telling the individual: THIS is the body part that I would want if I could sculpt my body.

It's just a shame.

I grew up with my mother always on my ass about looking a certain way. Acting a certain way. I was in my "prime" 140. That was years ago, thankfully. But at every turn and even when I was just doing something, she would always be on my ass constantly persisting and insulting me on the way I looked. I was a still middle schooler at that point. Being told you're fat by you're own mother isn't the best way to go around of inspiring your child to do something for themselves. Usually that's how people go around and stuffing their faces into a nice plump mess. Of course I was never one to with the crowd.

More than anything I lost weight for myself. I felt better and have pretty much been an addict for any athleticism. Even now, I'm not too happy with the way I look. As stated before I would at least change the midsection. That's something that is always being nagged at by my mother, who is probably legit morbid obese for her size.

Maybe she does it because she doesn't want me to end up like her. Maybe she does it because she's like one of those horrible mothers that send their children into beauty pageants. Maybe she has a sick obsession about my welfare and doesn't recognize that she's doing more harm than good. The point is, with people that are like this in one's life, is it really difficult to believe that many aren't happy with their bodies?

I know. Everyone has heard some sort of argument about magazines and the models and how they make people feel inferior. I completely agree. They do. For whatever reason the fact that everyone sees them as goddesses makes regular short, tan, brunettes feel out of the loop.

It's all the publicity. I've never been really one to get up and carried away with it. But celebs power and influence, its a trait many would want to have. Having the whole world staring down at you and gawk. Sort of like Megan fox.
>>>I honestly don't know what her deal is. She has stunning eyes and that "mysterious look" but the fact that she seems to super glue her hair down doesn't cut the pretty factor for me. I see her and I just go, "eh." She was in a few Disney movies before she hit it big with transformers. Where was the "DROP DEAD GORGEOUS" factor there? I guess the fact that she was jail bait didn't really help her case in that situation, but Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen didn't really have much of a problem. They could be pretty...but God knows they need a sandwich or something to eat...

And no. I don't say that out of jealousy.

The same goes for Angelina, she isn't that pretty. Yes she has a rocking body that I would die happy to have (and honestly, I don't blame her for making out with her brother, he's pretty smokin')but chapped lips aren't that great.

I guess I'm just hating without a reason. They deserve their success. They act and earn their money, even if it is through superficial means.

I guess it's just what everyone wants. A way to look good and get paid for it.

It's hard to love yourself when you have so much going against yourself.

Even now, we have the whole "love your curves" movement. So even skinny people are getting the boot.

So. We are pretty much left to ourselves when alone (got to love the redundant nature on that one) to think about what we don't like. What the mainstream wants us to look like. So we look to our friends to see what parts they have that fits into what attracts guys through our vicarious relationship with celebrities and their personal successes with relationships or just flirting instances.

I never really sat back and asked myself, " I wonder what people would seriously love to have that is on me." It does sound vain (which is for whatever reason a bad thing?) but maybe, if it gets us by, we should secretly be asking ourselves that.

No one can completely be happy with their body. Even my friend with the rocking torso would love to have a nice butt. Something I have happen to have.

It's just hard to be happy with what we have. Especially in a society with more is better, and if you don't like the way you look something can be done about it or if you can't you live in a life where someone is nagging you or you are nagging yourself about your inadequate features.

So we revert to unobtainable jealousy. Life's crutch to what we don't have.

For your enjoyment