Recovery

I'm passed the point of scorning his existence and now I just want the sick satisfaction I have with all men and want him to want me.

The problem is he has a girlfriend.

So he's obviously not interested in me.
I feel petty for feeling like this.

It's just a matter of talking it out, writing it out, to calm me down.

I mean, why should this affect me in anyway.

I don't want him. I don't want to be with him. He is the reason why for many of the events that led to my initial down fall before the plunge of mortality shook my foundation. He is the reason why I never bothered to go out with people.

That is not healthy.
So why do I feel so spiteful if I don't care about him in that manner?

I just want to show him I'm better off without him and have him be a little perturbed about that reality.

I just want to succeed beyond everyone's expectation.
But I'm so impatient and so burnt out, all I am now is frustrated with life.

Which in turn is making me want to go out and dance and get the attention of everyone. Have everyone in the palm of my hands.

That's it.

But for now, I need to focus and realize that there are better things out there. It's just hard every now and then to see that.

For your enjoyment