Pointeless endeavor

Facebook has a nasty way of encouraging people to things that they shouldn't be interested in.
Even if you sort of repulsed by them, the past makes you crave that naive, ignorant demeanor and wants you to go back to that state of mind.

I added this boy that I was, I guess you can say fuck buddies, with.
Why?
I guess it involved something of his sister coming around and asking me why I wasn't friends with him on facebook. We honestly didn't have anything substantial. Why should I care if I was friends with him or not.
So I did it, he accepted, apparently he viewed it the same way.

It's whatever. I don't miss him. He's honestly horribly skinny.
I hate people who have that ability.
I swim 400 meters, non stop - 1000 in total. Then lift weights and 20 mins of some sort of cardio after 3 times a week...and I'm technically on the border of being normal and overweight. I eat salads practically everyday when I'm not out with friends. I take care of myself.

My genetics simply hate me. I'm heart healthy, but damn. I just want to fit into a size 5 jean again.

I guess in the way my genetics hate mes, his hate him, because like I said, he's a friggin stick.

But I guess the point here isn't my vanity or my critique on others. It's that my apathy for wanting someone isn't apathy. I just haven't felt anything with anyone because I'm seriously not attracted to anyone in both the physical and personality aspect.

I guess I seem redundant, I guess that's an understatement, in mentioning this topic, but I don't even know why it's of great importance.

I don't even pain like I used to. I don't even put forth the importance on it like I've done before.
I guess it's just me growing up and realizing that I have to put myself first and if I have to share my time with someone else, I'll just morph back into a codependent idiot like some people.

I enjoy having my multiple groups of friends, and at the moment, they are what make me feel whole. I don't need some asshole to feed me bullshit lines and only wants to be with me to stick his 'd' in my 'p.' The whole relationship concept seems to me to be a romanticized farce.

It makes people feel like crap that they aren't good enough for the person that they want, and want only merely for their looks and their pleasant personality, and eventually their ideal of what that person is or could be. Ultimately people seem to settle for less than they deserve, is it because they feel that that's what is meant for them? Less than the best. Because they can't wait around for something better to come along?

Whatever the case is, all my life I've put everything on hold in order to obtain something greater. I pretty much put my social life on hold in senior year to get crap done, and even then I put my life on hold in high school for the greater good of my education.
I'm in school now in a place where I don't do as well socially because I'm here for education. That's always been my priority. Education and career. I don't care for my family and I'm slowly not caring about having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

More and more I just see it less necessary. I don't need someone to tell me I'm pretty. I don't need someone to do romantic things for me. I don't need someone to love me. I guess in my search and desire for complete independence, I know that I'm worth people's time.

Obsession continues in one way or another.

I honestly just need a pet. Something to smother my attention and love with.
But too bad I have to wait another year.
Until then I guess I'll use my friends who have one as an excuse to come over.


For your enjoyment.