A lot has happened.

I went to Chicago.

Oh my god. Has my world changed.

I've gotten a taste of what life really is like in the city.
And I want it so bad that my insides hurt so much.
My brain can't stop comparing it to everything around it.
I want it to be possible so much.

The activity. The business. The success. The possibility.
Just minimally sums up the ecstasy that I endured on my trip.

I loved every ounce of it. I loved wandering the city.
I loved the buildings.
I loved the Lolapalooza.
I loved the Restaurants.
I loved the trains
I loved the parks

It was too much to handle and I didn't care that in my apatite crumbs of this amazing city would fall to my feet.

This has honestly been the best summer I've ever had.
I made amazing friends, I'll miss them dearly and I hope they feel the same.

It's sad that things won't ever be like this summer. But what can I do, simply enjoy this for what it is.

And I don't think I can thank God enough for it.
Despite the family disputes, I was able to escape with the aid of my friends.
I traveled to new and old places.
I honestly couldn't be happier about it.

I finally figured out what I wanted boy wise.
Maybe.

I thought about it. After spending my days in Chicago with my guy friend. I just mentally sulked. Now with my best friend is off with another man and pretty much every girl I know is with some other guy that they care about, I'm in need of either new friends or a guy to date and maybe more.

Don't get me wrong. I love my friends. I adore my friends and I might be willing enough to say that I would do anything for my friends. But I'm just in need of a good cuddle. I'm tempted to just find a guy just to cuddle.

It's gotten pathetic. My friend who I traveled with to Chicago told me about some dating site. I indulged.
I found two guys of interest.
One deleted his profile or blocked me. The other gave me his facebook.
I want him. Kind of.
I don't know.
He's working and doesn't really have internet at the moment.
But I can't help but think about all these things.
I should just drop it and realize the boy probably is a virgin and doesn't want anything.
It's a horrible way to live life. But at this point pessimism is the only way I live when it comes to things of this nature.

For your entertainment.