Official Crush

I thought there was something wrong with me. There might be. But I've been better. There was a bit of depression, but I managed to get over it. I thought that I was all lonely and all that crap, and the truth is, I am. My friends, I can't tell which are true and which aren't (well...I know two individuals have proven themselves without a doubt) but I guess I just have to live life like that. It kind of sucks, but I guess that's why they tell you to treasure your youth. I say I have.

I don't know why I've been bitching about that kind of shit. I've been out partying.

Alot.

Last weekend I went to four parties in two days. Labor day weekend I went to Lucy's party, hung out with friends, and went to a show. Then hung around my awesome group of social outcast friends.

The last party of the weekend before labor day was pretty intense. I remember a lot of wine and we ended up going to a club that jams out techno beats. We were all pretty plastered. I remember making out with two girls and one of their boyfriends. Pretty intense. Bianca asked me if I enjoyed making out with the girls, I told her I was too drunk to care. The boyfriend... I had some sort of attraction to, but it just kind of screws up the group dynamic. He told me that he finds me attractive and if he didn't have a girlfriend he would have gone after me. Which is great, obviously flattering...but now I have to be a bitch to him and completely avoid him, because I don't want his girlfriend to think i'm after him. YAY DRAMA

Lucy's party was fun. I didn't get smashed like the initial time (it was my second party of the weekend before labor day weekend, and I was feeling kind of blue, I decided to have two shots of desorona, two of gold schlogger on top of the already consumed shot of tequila and cranberry and vodka. Needless to say I passed out). I met a few people. I remember only a few. I stuck to this guy who was practically seven foot. I litterally attached myself to him for a good while. He wanted to flirt with the girlies, so I decided to leave because all i need is psuedo rejection to kill my buzz. Sam, one of Lucy's friends, was drunk and pretty much was spitting game...I had attended a summer party of Lucy's back home and was in a toga, because that was the theme. He had told me in his drunken stupor that he thought that the hot pink toga with hearts and cross bones on it was sexy and he wanted to bang me. Flattery, of course. I just wanted some flattery. :)


Lately I've been trying to keep myself occupied socially and physically...since I can't swim. Rawr.
I've been doing well. I work out every now and then, and I have of course, been stuffing my face in. I ate a medium pizza just to see if i could. I could, along with two lava cakes. So bad for you, but so good tasting.

I managed to get sick. It was a crappy three days. It was strep throat (gee, I wonder where I could have gotten that from?) The people in charge of my dorm's saftey came in and told me to avoid all contact with public. Swine flu and all that rubbish. Nope. Strep throat. Lovely.

I've been going to Krishna lunch and talking to people. It's been pretty good. My gays go out there. That makes me horribly happy. Evan is my head gay. He rocks my socks pretty hard. I also have the vegetarian/vegan friends that I met last year while I was working for the Krishnas.
But since I am no longer employed, I am able to roam freely. Liberating feeling of enjoyment. I get most of my social interaction through Krishna Lunch.

I have had a few guys coming on to me. I haven't been feeling it. There is one that could have acted maybe last year, I would have totally taken him up on his offer...but for whatever reason, I'm not interested. Another is handicapped, and as horrible as I say this, that is a massive detterent. It's not that I don't sympathize the handicapped, my dad is legally blind and hard of hearing. I know a thing or two of having to deal with people that have disabilitie--physical, mental, emotional, whatever. It's just... I see what my mom goes through. It's really tough stuff. I'm not a caretaker, and I'm pretty selfish, I wish I had the compassion to see another way...but I am unable to. It also doesn't help the guy that I am not physically attracted to him.

But then.
I met a guy.
Well, finally managed a conversation with him. I've seen him a many times last year
and I informally established my existence to him when I saw him walking towards me with a frown and told him to smile. I had just seen him so many times go through the lunch line. I do that sometimes, tell people to smile, I get it from my mom, she does it to me all the time.
Then I introduced myself to him when I was serving Krishna Lunch, when I worked for them. We shall call him Seth. I found him on my way to my dorm one day, as I was escaping a bad conversation... and actually had a conversation with him. He's very built, it kind of deters me, I like them skinny, but I guess I need to lower my standards if I find some attraction to him. He's half Pakistani, but looks like he could be Greek. He is a real spiffy dresser. But from my experience in those that are Pakistani, they have a tendency to have a massive sense of style.

I am kind of crushing on him. I don't want to get too excited. But it's been a while since I've crushed on anyone. I feel kind of weird. I'm trying not to get overly obsessive and I want to get him out of my head. Replace him with our university's star quarter back or something. I can't guarentee that he's not gay or taken or even interested in me.

He's real smart...double major and double minor.
I wish I had his work ethic.
He plays the trumpet.
UGGGGHHHHHHH, it will end in disaster, and I shouldn't stalk him or become overly weird.

I just need to tell myself:
I don't want anything
I don't want anything
I don't want anything.


Eventually I'll believe myself.

Tomorrow is another day. I'll just take it one at a time.